Finding my Recovery Voice
One of the things we worked on at the retreat I mentioned was finding our recovery voice. We practiced separating ourselves from the ED voice. This was a powerful experience.
The ED voice is different for everyone but one thing is similar: it is a BULLY. It constantly critiques me or tells me what I should or should not do. It has rules for how I should live my life. Notice how I say “IT”. I would normally say, “me”. But, the bully or eating disorder is not me. In this exercise, we learn that we are not the eating disorder. We identify with the healthy side. This is hard and I still need so much help with this.
- Things my bully/eating disorder says to me.
- You are fat
- You are unworthy and unacceptable
- You are fat
- You will never be accepted
- You have to weigh yourself
- No one likes you …..unless you weigh, unless you look a certain way.
- You sound stupid
- You cannot eat that
- You can only eat….
- You cannot eat in front of others, they will make fun of you
- If you eat out, you must only eat….
- If you gain weight, you are a failure
- If you try to eat more, you will binge..so do not try
- Do not trust anyone, they are trying to make you fat again
-So the exercise. Whenever I hear a message from the bully. I need to find my recovery/healthy/MY voice and practice using it. The tricky part. I do not have to believe it yet. I just have to say it. Say it until I believe it. This is hard.When we were practicing this at the retreat, I found that so many of the other women/girls heard the same messages.
It was NOT just ME!
I wanted to hug them and support them. How dare a bully say these things to THEM.
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But wait… I do this to myself.
It started to make sense. I guess that was the purpose.
So, a list of recovery messages in hand is a recovery tool. Whenever the bully messages appear, write them, read them. Be ready to knock the bully down. Feel free to share some of your bully/recovery messages with me.
Some of my recovery messages.
- -trust your treatment team, they have your best interest at heart. They want you to be healthy and strong. They are committed to your recovery. They have never done anything to show lack of trust. Remember all the times they have worked through things with you. Share your concerns with them. They are here for you.
- -your weight does not determine your self worth. you are not a number.
- -you are a loving and caring wife and mother. You do everything you can for your family.
- You will be better able to care for your children when you are healthy and nourished.
- You cannot be perfect and do everything, but you are doing your best.
-all foods can fit into your meal plan. - Trust your dietitian and the foods she has recommended. If you are following her recs, you will not overeat and not binge.
- If you need help, ask for support.
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