If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. Matthew 21:22.
I have been out of the hospital for six months. The hospital staff took control of the eating disorder. The took away my ability to exercise. They even watched me go to the bathroom. I was not allowed to be by myself. I had no freedom while I was within the walls of the hospital. It was a very long 42 days.
I needed them to do this. I thought I was in control but my eating disorder was in control. By controlling my actions in the hospital they removed the option for me to choose the ED.
I did not have to fight the eating disorder thoughts while I was inpatient because a staff member was always there. I hated it at the time but it was also comfortable. It was easy to do the right thing– or the recovery oriented thing. They told me that it was not uncommon to have trouble when I first came home. I was going from 24/7 support to being by myself every day.
I think about how this relates to our relationship with the Lord. I choose daily to walk with Him. I can make the choices to pray, read the Word, and actively pursue a relationship with Him or I can remain distant. When I am constantly seeking Him, it is easier to do the right thing. I find more peace when I am spending time in the Word each day. My prayer life can bring peace.
The staff at the hospital provided meal support. They made sure that I did not know how much I weighed. They watched me after meals. They made sure I did not exercise. What they did not do is give me the confidence in my own abilities to succeed. I left the hospital thinking that I could continue doing what I had been doing and be ok. I was wrong.
Sound familiar? We cannot pretend we are in control and ignore God. Things WILL NOT work! I could not do my own thing.
One saving grace is to know that God is in control. Finding peace and comfort in this becomes more healing and nurturing than anything else. I cannot be in control and be close to God at the same time.
God will lead me through this tough journey and lead me home.
The Lord is the only way we can get constant support. He is always with us. When we need help with anything we can reach out and ask. I have blamed my slips on the lack of support. I have failed to see that I had support around me this whole time. I shall look to my all powerful support. I can and will do this.
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