HopeintheMess

Tag: compassion

  • Dancing in front of the Mirror

    When I walked by my daughter’s room this morning she was standing in front of the mirror dancing– in her underwear.  She was singing songs and appeared so very joyful.  I stood in the doorway where she could not see me and watched her for a few minutes.  She demonstrated so much innocence.
    She was carefree.
    She sang “Jesus Loves Me” and twirled circles. 
    She did not say anything negative about her appearance or herself.  She was so happy to be singing in the Lord’s presence and His precious child.
    She was actually not even really paying attention to her body. She was watching the twirls and the smile. I was filled with joy as I watched her being so filled with JOY!!
    One thing that I have worked very hard to do is demonstrate self-love, acceptance, and that beauty comes from within.  When she was really little I would play with her in front of the mirror and sing
    “I look in the mirror and what do I see… A beautiful wonderful me”
    In this moment I was envious- I want this carefree attitude for myself and so many others that I know.  I also prayed that this feeling inside her will last.  When will someone tell her that she is not beautiful? Worse yet, will she believe it?   
    When she saw that I was watching she paused and giggled.  She acted like she was a little embarrassed.
    I said…..
    I love how happy you are right now. I told her to never be afraid to dance and smile. I told her to always smile when she sees herself. I told her that laughter and joy in her heart is one of the many things that make her so special. I want to constantly remind myself of the little girl that danced in front of the mirror.
    I will continue telling her that the inside counts more.  I will always tell her that she is beautiful and created in God’s image.
    Let’s all show some self-love and dance in front of the mirror. 
    ​​

  • Recovery Voice

    Finding my Recovery Voice

    One of the things we worked on at the retreat I mentioned was finding our recovery voice.  We practiced separating ourselves from the ED voice.  This was a powerful experience.
    The ED voice is different for everyone but one thing is similar: it is a BULLY.  It constantly critiques me or tells me what I should or should not do.  It has rules for how I should live my life.  Notice how I say “IT”.  I would normally say, “me”.  But, the bully or eating disorder is not me.  In this exercise, we learn that we are not the eating disorder.  We identify with the healthy side.  This is hard and I still need so much help with this.
    • Things my bully/eating disorder says to me.
    • You are fat
    • You are unworthy and unacceptable
    • You are fat
    • You will never be accepted
    • You have to weigh yourself
    • No one likes you …..unless you weigh, unless you look a certain way.
    • You sound stupid
    • You cannot eat that
    • You can only eat….
    • You cannot eat in front of others, they will make fun of you
    • If you eat out, you must only eat….
    • If you gain weight, you are a failure
    • If you try to eat more, you will binge..so do not try
    • Do not trust anyone, they are trying to make you fat again
      -So the exercise.  Whenever I hear a message from the bully.  I need to find my recovery/healthy/MY voice and practice using it.  The tricky part.  I do not have to believe it yet.  I just have to say it.  Say it until I believe it.  This is hard.

      When we were practicing this at the retreat, I found that so many of the other women/girls heard the same messages.

      It was NOT just ME!

      I wanted to hug them and support them.  How dare a bully say these things to THEM.

      IMG_4827

    •  

      But wait… I do this to myself.

      It started to make sense.  I guess that was the purpose.

       

      So, a list of recovery messages in hand is a recovery tool.  Whenever the bully messages appear, write them, read them.  Be ready to knock the bully down.  Feel free to share some of your bully/recovery messages with me.

       

    Some of my recovery messages.
    • -trust your treatment team, they have your best interest at heart.  They want you to be healthy and strong.  They are committed to your recovery.  They have never done anything to show lack of trust.  Remember all the times they have worked through things with you.  Share your concerns with them.  They are here for you.
    • -your weight does not determine your self worth.  you are not a number.
    • -you are a loving and caring wife and mother.  You do everything you can for your family.
    • You will be better able to care for your children when you are healthy and nourished.
    • You cannot be perfect and do everything, but you are doing your best.
      -all foods can fit into your meal plan.
    • Trust your dietitian and the foods she has recommended.  If you are following her recs, you will not overeat and not binge.
    • If you need help, ask for support.