Colossians calls for us to let Christ completely dwell in our hearts and bodies. I am longing for peace. I am not sure I would know what that felt like. I feel like I do not deserve it. I know that we do not earn Grace. It is a free gift from God……
But I have to choose it. It is a free gift for the taking. Not only do I need to choose it, but I must also reach out my hands and accept the Grace that only He can provide. I really want to tell the world how much I want this; however, the pain I feel inside from the trauma is so deep. I want to believe I can be happy.
I want it. I really do.
But I am not happy. I came home from the hospital thinking of how miserable I am with my H. It was so hard being away from my daughter. It was also so nice being away from him. I believe in marriage and know I can make things work. With another blessing on the way- it will work. I believe in that. I pray for the peace and hope that He can provide. I pray that my h can change. That he will want to change. My heart has this deep ache that he does not want this change.
Colossians 3:15-16
New International Version (NIV)
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
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