When you give up the eating disorder behaviors it is normal to experience extreme feelings. This is because the eating disorder is no longer serving to numb them. This is a good thing but it can be very scary! Yes, feelings are a good thing. Learning to feel them and respond to them in a healthy way is hard during recovery. It does get easier!
Feelings will not kill you but an eating disorder can!
Letting myself feel was one of the hardest parts about recovery. When I started feeling all of these emotions I was overwhelmed, scared, and felt like they would not stop. I did not even know what I was feeling at times because I had never really let myself feel before.
My therapist would ask me why I was so scared to feel. What was the worst thing that could happen if I felt anything.
FEELINGS!
FEELINGS! I DO NOT WANT ANY PART OF THAT! Of course, my therapist told me that I am supposed to feel- it is healthy and normal. I did anything I could do to keep from crying: avoiding eye contact, counting calories, or pinching my arms or legs. These things worked but they did not help me.
I learned that I could trust my doctors when they said they would not let me gain too much weight. Now, they are saying if you feel something scary— it will not last forever. I have to believe this and I did believe this.
I hate to be wrong. This time I was wrong and my therapist was right. Feeling my emotions made me feel normal for the first time in a long time.
Leave a Reply