{"id":56,"date":"2012-05-03T01:19:37","date_gmt":"2012-05-03T01:19:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eatingforrealblog.wordpress.com\/?p=56"},"modified":"2012-05-03T01:19:37","modified_gmt":"2012-05-03T01:19:37","slug":"sincere","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/?p=56","title":{"rendered":"Sincere"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>An eating disorder makes it very difficult to be authentic.\u00a0 I do not have any honest relationships right now because I am afraid to let them know about the flaws.\u00a0 If I let the walls down then the world will see that the fa\u00e7ade we paint is not what it seems.\u00a0 My behaviors allow me to pretend that everything is ok while I am secretly crying out\u00a0for help.\u00a0 Can I really use my voice?\u00a0 Sure&#8230; Is that scary?\u00a0 Absolutely!<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Remember that eating disorders are not about food and weight.\u00a0 Weight is only a symptom of the real issue.\u00a0 My thinness was a symptom of my inability to express my feelings, my loneliness, and how my marriage\u00a0seems to be falling apart.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>The truth is that it is still a struggle because I still feel this way.\u00a0 I was not prepared for the part of recovery where it looks like you are ok&#8230;..but feeling terrible inside.\u00a0 I have told my therapist that I feel like an anorexic stuck in a healthy-recovered body.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I still feel all of those things that made me want to use the eating disorder.\u00a0 The trouble is that I am not supposed to use it and I am not using it.\u00a0 The ED is so destructive and will not allow me to meet my goals; however, it seemed to get me through the day.\u00a0 I am learning new skills to do the same.\u00a0 I am learning to use my VOICE and say that I am hurting and not do this through my eating disorder.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>But&#8230;&#8230;.. I have to make that choice.\u00a0 I choose to deal with the anxiety of NOT choosing the eating disorder to cope.\u00a0 I will work on ACCEPTING and LIKEING the REAL me one layer at a time.\u00a0 It is a work in progress.\u00a0 I know it will take time but it is worth it.\u00a0 I have my life and two little lives waiting for me.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div class=\"cke_widget_wrapper cke_widget_block cke_image_nocaption cke_widget_selected\">\n<div class=\"align-center cke_widget_element\"><span class=\"cke_image_resizer_wrapper\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/w-Ng5muAAcg\/mqdefault.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"613\" height=\"345\" \/><span class=\"cke_image_px_indicator\">\u200b<\/span><span class=\"cke_image_resizer\" title=\"Click and drag to resize\">\u200b<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span class=\"cke_reset cke_widget_drag_handler_container align-center fixed_drag_size\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"cke_reset cke_widget_drag_handler\" title=\"Click and drag to move\" src=\"\/image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAPABAP\/\/\/wAAACH5BAEKAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAICRAEAOw==\" width=\"15\" height=\"15\" \/><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>An eating disorder makes it very difficult to be authentic.\u00a0 I do not have any honest relationships right now because I am afraid to let them know about the flaws.\u00a0 If I let the walls down then the world will see that the fa\u00e7ade we paint is not what it seems.\u00a0 My behaviors allow me [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[13,15],"class_list":["post-56","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-identity","tag-coping","tag-ed-voice"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=56"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=56"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=56"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hopeinthemess.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=56"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}