HopeintheMess

Category: ED Voice

  • Comparison is killing us

    How Comparison is killing us

     

    Let’s face it, we all do it.  We compare ourselves in one way or another to something.  Eating disorders will make you compare compare compare…. The internal dialogue is constant comparisons.  You walk into a room and think, “who is the thinnest, what did she eat, what did I eat, I wonder if she ran this morning, I can eat less than that, I have power, …..”.  You might not want to admit it; however, if you do some soul searching it is true.  I am not saying that someone with an eating disorder is selfish or conceited.  This is NOT the case.  But an eating disorder will change you.  It makes you think things that are not typical for you!  When you go through the cycle of restriction, binging, purging, exercising, and repeat— your mind goes into a mode of obsessive thinking.  Obsessive thoughts are also a way to avoid thinking about other things in your life.  They control anxiety.  This is a vicious cycle.

     

    Comparison will kill you.  You will never be thin enough, sick enough, be THAT enough.  You will never “look like that enough” to be deserving of treatment of help”.  You do not need to look a certain way to get treatment.  Throughout my own treatment, working with many men and women, the first concern I have witnessed is the fear that people will be the only one that is “not sick” enough.  This is a climate that must change.

     

     

  • Recovery- people might not tell you this

     

    An eating disorder is painfully lonely.  The truth is that no matter how much anyone tells you the truth, you will not believe it until you are on the other side.  The eating disorder has two things working on its side 1) the brain-based a genetic process.  Let’s look at an individual with anorexia nervosa.  When someone weighs less than her (or his) biologically appropriate weight, cognitive process declines.  You can try to convince her that the earth is round, but if she believes it is flat, then damn it…. The earth is flat in her world.  Eating disorders actually change the brain to a certain point and the only thing that repairs this damage is food.  2).  The maladaptive coping strategies work very effectively to circumvent whatever it is that the person is trying to not deal with.  Yes, this is true.  Eating disorders are a complex biopsychosocial illness.  We have to heal the body and mind in order to heal the person.  We cannot do this without food and then dealing with the emotions and learning to effectively cope in the world.

    When you start recovery, it may feel wrong.  In fact, it will feel wrong.  This is something that you should talk about.  The reason it feels wrong is because the illness has placed so much emphasis on your weight, whether or not you ate, ran, counted your calories, your will-power.  It has been exhausting.  Sitting still and just being may feel wrong but it is ok and it is good.  I understand how sitting still and eating makes you want to cry- but that does not last.  It may feel wrong but it is not wrong.  You will get to a point where it feels right and you will enjoy it again.  I promise.  The only thing the disorder can promise is a stronghold, death, control.  Breaking free promises life.  While that may sound scary—it does not have to be all at once. 

    God does not give more than you can handle.  That is a promise!      

    2Chronicles 15:7

    But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.”

  • Believing in Recovery

     

     

     

    Recovery is not easy.  When you feel like you cannot go any further, focus on the accomplishments you have made.  I remember being motivated by the fact that I could sleep through the night, I had increased energy, and I felt mental clarity.  Yes, eating disorders mess up your thinking!  Write down the times you have a positive experience in recovery.  If you have a day where your thoughts are not as strong, write it down.  Keep track of milestones like being able to socialize without anxiety or being able to read a book.  It is easy to lose sight of the positive things when you are focused on the meal plan or weight. You may have difficulty in seeing a future without your eating disorder; however, recognizing each accomplishment can allow you to see the progress you have made.

     

    • If you have experienced any positive symptom improvement, list it:
    • Examples might include: Being less cold, Sleeping Better, More Energy, Less anxious or depressed, Better Concentration, Thinking about calories less, Able to follow meal plan better, Less isolation?
    • How has this impacted your daily living?
    • If you have not had any of the improved symptoms, what would you like to experience? What is one way you think you can get there?
    • If you are struggling with your meal plan or symptoms, what can you use to remind yourself that you will feel better with continued perseverance? 

    Read this example:

    AB was a young high school student with anorexia nervosa.  She had trouble trusting that things could get better.  At her first visit she told me that her year was supposed to be the “best-ever” but was instead going horribly.  She was frustrated because she was having to try harder, work harder, and could not focus nor concentrate.  I explained that as she became more nourished, she would see that these things would not be as difficult.  Not believing me, but agreeing to try as a good student, she came in several weeks later reporting more energy, social activities with friends, and having more time.